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Amnesia 7
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Amnesia - Issue 07 (1991-11-23)(Eclipse).adf
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serious-bit
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1989-05-09
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THE SERIOUS BIT
Today in The serious bit we discuss a strange affliction which certain
people suffer from.This disability is known as CAPSLOCKON syndrome and
it affects the mind.A clinic was set up to help these strange breed of
people on a small island 5 miles from land.The sufferer must remain on
this island for a period of 1 year and type articles for diskzines.Today
one sufferer tells his story,this person would like to remain anonymous
so we will call him.....Peter,and this is his story.
SEPTEMBER 12 1991
I am a CAPSLOCKONER who tried to find help.I knew I shouldn't have typed
in CAPSLOCK (TM) but I just couldn't stop.It all started when I first
got my Amiga,I loved the red light which shone brightly from the CAPSLOCK
key.My addiction grew from this and I started to just press CAPSLOCK when
I played my favourite games,Text only adventures.Now I JUST CAN'T STOP
YES..YES CAPSLOCK=COOLNESS,FUCK YOU!?!?!
After this sorry outburst Peter was locked in extreme isolation,but in
his mind he was looking at the CAPSLOCK key sitting on the left of his
keyboard,coloured grey.Peter killed himself after 2 weeks in keyboard
isolation.
When we talked to the extreme cases of the disease we discovered they
had no fingers on their left hands.Terry was one of these people...
"Well since the operation I have felt much better and have not tried
to kill myself by french-kissing the electric socket for my T.V. I
once tried to hypnotise myself with the help of a local Diskzine but
alas it failed.""Now that my fingers were surgically removed I can
live like normal users again,I feel the treatment was well worth the
doctors fee of five thousand pounds."
Well there we see 2 sides of the plague.Now heres another side....
A Dublin based terrorist organisation known as S.F.A. began an
offensive on all Diskzines nearby.They hold Diskzine writers at
gunpoint and force them to write with CAPSLOCKON.The victims then
repent their sins and kill themselves with shame.However one writer
did escape alive his name was..well he couldn't think of a decent
name at the moment but I'm sure he will by the end of the article,
well he survived and wrote 2 other articles without the CAPSLOCKON
and revealed to a friend of his that he had written 2 articles in
CAPSLOCKON and it was an `accident'.
His name was.....
PETER (Well hell if you can't think of a good short name use the one
you've had all your life)